froth would be a great name for a band
&probably is. during the week of scheduled merry, mass mirth,

i learned about a band people younger than myself enjoy
                                                   & the mirth did burst,
                                                           the merry positively frothed
   when i watched their latest music video.
        how much they danced
        just with their hands! the music video
                                                       as an art form—revived!

during the supposedly mirth-merriest
time of year, i was not ready to shed my supposings, my position of not
         humbug exactly,
           but kinda bah, yes.
                                               then, this most kissable song
       about outer space (they danced
       in their spacesuits!). then, i looked up

                                   the definition of “froth”: a mass of small
                                          bubbles caused by agitation, fermentation, or
                                          some other thing, & otherwise
                                                              known as foam. to froth

                                            is to cause or contain this mass of small
              bubbles otherwise known as foam &usually overflowing
                                                                     from a can of soda, beer, or
                                                                     soul. to foam is to be overly effusive
about a band people younger than yourself enjoy.

                                                                                 i love definitions.
             they don’t box me in
                       except for all the time i’ve lived

                       in the united states of america since the age of 4.
         (since i was 4, not since the united states of america was 4.)

one of my brothers is turning 28 next month
            & on the xmas family video call i said, wow.
                                                                                   wow
                 are we all getting old. & he said, yeah, that’s how time works.

& i was both chapfallen & crestfallen, the definition for both
      being the other. i couldn’t understand why
      he had to be so factual. i love definitions
but hate facts.
                i love definitions that are forever questions

                           due to my never remembering them,
                                        my always looking them up
                                   or in the middle of wondering about.
                this would also describe
  my relationship with the spelling of “entrepreneurial.”
   entrepreneurially speaking, holidays &

                        most days, i am irritated.
     my other brother turns 27 in the spring.he would be great
     in a band, but would never
     do that, he’s far too busy pursuing his other creative talents
           to financial success & deep fulfillment.
i’m proud of him, though also
                             irritated, now that he has
                   barely a thing to justify to our parents,
                   maybe just his haircut.
                                                                    i’m proud of the life i’ve made

out of words & fairly adventurous haircuts,
            yet i’m irritated with myself
                                     every day. i’m
            an artist, meaning a massively small self-esteem & a love for
                  everything minutely vast. froth, the artist formerly known

                  as foam!—i love stuff like that. i cherish
                                      how my boyfriend,

        a bit older than me, said he’s closest to the tall & quiet
                                                              one in the band, though
                                                              even taller & quieter,

                & i said, definitely
  taller, but quieter (??), you’re never quiet,
  & he said,
                       fuck you, i am 8 foot 4 & have never spoken a word.

my favorite definition of mirth,
      which happens to be the main one, is gladness or gaiety
      as shown by or accompanied with laughter.

                                                                                                  gaiety!
                    can you guess why i love that definition? yes, i am
                                    queer as in fuck you, but i am also gay
                                    as in i don’t know
      how to live in this world or why i should

& isn’t that fun.
little bubbles full of feeling.

                         the holidays—do you ever wish there were more & better
                         gay holiday movies? do you ever watch a gay movie
                                                                      because you are gay
              & looking for yourself, then looking for other gays,
then looking for yourself, again?

        do you ever watch a gay movie & find yourself
              happy, even
              mirthful, frothing with
        yay, gaiety? only for the ending

                 to be um, utterly ruinous?

        do you ever watch yourself
being gay as in person turning
35& the guinness world record holder

                 for most consecutive nights spent tearful by a scented candle?
                 i’m not answering that, but thank you for asking.