Danez Smith
Duty
when you get up to poop for the third time, i boil the water
and float two stars of anise like little turds of prayer.
this morning’s sex is rubbing your belly
while you describe to me the consistency of your shit
solid, liquid, gas, broken and green, i listen
to your science, prescribe ginger, pot liquor,
rice, apples, prayer, burnt toast, i run the list down…
fuss at you about hydration because i love you
who waters the plants, i’m here to worry
about your soil and wash our soiled drawers.
it’s mutual. i’ve spread my cheeks often
and you love me so you confirm my hemorrhoids
remembering Tuesday’s hour in the kitchen
the lack of lube and the pain becoming glory
becoming pain again, a little irritation is just proof
i want you around. i want you around no matter the smell.
twice now, i’ve wiped the people who probably wiped me
who had bodies and bodies so hard to keep,
my papa, my grandma, my man, my mother, my everyone
who needs it –love eventually requires lifting
the leg, washing the sheets, getting into
each crevasse and around the little hole.
what a thing to become your love’s,
your parents’, your elder so suddenly
made from fine china, so wind-weak
and radiant with years – what a thing
to become their brief nurse,
their final mother? i know
the umbilical cord is two-way street
and there are things far thicker than blood
like a vow, like gold, like shit. & i feel the crown
of love has been placed, thank God,
on my head, too, and so i bend
towards the smell and make them feel
no shame. love is shit. love is shit
and blood and tears and milk
and soup and cash and gas and time
and time and time and calls and books
and dancing and songs and walks and chemo
and couches and stars and medicine
and hurt and silence and so much crying
and stillness, please, stillness, and running
and the runs and Imodium AD and senna and sana
sana colita de rana and breaking what’s blocked
and too much sleep and sleep not good
and even the dreams ache
and all the wipes and all those creams
and all that dirt and the dirty work
and our hands, if we’re lucky, will need good washing
our prayers smelling like dookie and soap.
i love you, i will love you, i will love you
when you need embarrassing help. i love you,
will you love me? please help me
when my body turns me loose.
